i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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