Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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