Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
