Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its not stalking. its research.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
