she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
