I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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