Duck Duck Cougar?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
