good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
