Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
