But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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