Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
