shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
