Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
