if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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