the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
