There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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