she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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