Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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