Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
