Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My dick has a subreddit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
