u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
