I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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