Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
