Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
