Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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