Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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