Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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