i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
