I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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