When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize