GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
