you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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