I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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