GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
