Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
