ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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