I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize