Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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