I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
