someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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