the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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