so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wear drunk well.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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