First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
