Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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