How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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