i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
