so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
