We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
