There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
