I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
