Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are a genius and a whore.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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