I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
