HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
