...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
