the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
