there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
