How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
