i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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