Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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