pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
