chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
