I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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