Only a mothe r could love this liver
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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