Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
