I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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