i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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